Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
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