What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
