Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
