I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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