All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
