i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
