just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
