that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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