i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
