she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Randomize
