thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
