I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
