Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
