Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
