can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
