Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
