last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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