**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
