It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
