I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Someone came in the potted fern
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
