Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
