My friends, they love my intelligence
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Randomize
