I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
