I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
