Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I'm jealous of your bromance
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
