I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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