How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
