we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
