If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
