I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
