i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
