hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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