just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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