Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
