so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
