I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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