And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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