I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
