well I can't set my house on fire every night
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
