I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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