is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
