hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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