I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
