he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
