I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
