he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
