take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
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