I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
