fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Randomize
