I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
