So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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