She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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